This week in bitchiness

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Stanford has been really good. If not by the matches, then at least for the interviews and loltastic statements given by the players. Everyone knows that one of the biggest differences between the WTA and the ATP is the SASS. The girls are just better at bringing some of the off-court drama to the court and being oh-so-bitter losers. Thank goodness for that, eh?

This week, it all started with Bartoli answering the question of who she’d rather play: Lisicki or JJ. She said Jankovic, “I always beat her”, for leading their head-to-head 3-0 at the time.

Former number one, JJ, who really didn’t take that one lightly, said:

“She talks like she’s just Serena Williams. Everybody had a right to say what she wants. I’m not really focused on Bartoli. She’s not like my biggest rival or someone I look up to or I’m scared of. She’s just one of the players on tour, not a big name, or someone who is making the big results or headlines in the game.”

Of course JJ would lose after that, even wasting two match points. Way to prove a point, Jay. And to create some more drama, let’s just say Jelena’s first statement meant she was calling Serena an arrogant b*tch as well. So, still, not satisfied with having attacked both Serena and Fatty, JJ… kept her mouth opened.

“To be number one, you should be complete and if you are number one you have to be beating the Williams sisters. I’m one of the rare players who has a positive record against the Williams sisters”

So this leaves JJ’s list of “Players I trash talked to this week” like this: Dinara Safina, Serena Williams and Jelena Jankovic. I wonder if she can still release a statement until Monday to say Sharapova is not really Russian or that Larcher de Brito‘s grunts should be banned. You know, just to make it longer.

After that lenghty list, Bartoli intimidated seeing Jankovic steal her Stanford’s SASSIEST MOUTH spotlight. She decided to trash… Lena. Yes, Loser-of-the-Week Lena. These were Bartoli words about her expectations regarding today’s final against Venus:

“My first goal tomorrow is not to lose 6-0 6-1”

For the sake of it, I hope she gets double bagelled just so Lena can come out and say “OH LOL TOO BAD”.

And just because I think this is the perfect time to bring up this wonderful macro, here it goes:

syuzck

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August 2, 2009 at 4:07 pm 2 comments

Happy Birthday, Lena (V.)!

Considering the DISASTER that was the LenaVenus match today, I’ll avoid talking about it. If you’re a Venus fan, I’m sure it’s delicious to have a bagel and a breadstick for breakfast, but… with these stats? Lena had 3 winners and 19 unforced errors, even Sharapova managed to win a couple of games per set! I think Lena’s loss was because of bad karma from me. Not only was I rolling on the floor laughing at her recent “bitchiness”, but I also failed to keep a straight watching Sharapova play Venus. Her volleys, you guys. How are you supposed to not laugh? Yes, I’m a terrible tennis fan, tell me something I don’t know.

Moving on to another Elena, today’s Elena Vesnina’s birthday (!!!!). I don’t know if you guys are familiar with this but I adore her.

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And that lovely Russian girl turned 23 today (August 1st) and I just thought I could post a few pics. You know, to celebrate.

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Even if she didn’t play tennis, she would still have hilarious facial expressions that would amuse me ’til the end.

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And she could always remain Failed Cup’s official cheerleader or something. Give me an R!! … no?

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And as I tuned in on the BartoliStosur match to check the score, the commentator informed that yesterday it was Lena V.’s gf Vika‘s birthday. I looked it up — it’s true. Vika turned twenty (!!!!) yesterday. I’m sorry but it’s not my fault I forgot. I can hardly remember my friends’ birthdays and Vika doesn’t have an LJ to remind me of such triviliaties. Her bad. She didn’t get a picspam.

August 1, 2009 at 10:53 pm 3 comments

Lena, Lena, let’s try not out-awesome-ing the other players on their faces, ok?

This is a self-acclaimed LET’S FANGIRL OVER LENA post. Proceed with caution (or don’t proceed at all) if you’re a hater*.

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Lena trash talking (or Lena’s equivalent of “trash talking”) JJ, according to Doug’s Sports Blog:

Asked about Jankovic’s complaints the other day, the fourth-ranked player laughed: “I don’t know what to say. It looks like she’s playing every single week, more than anyone else. If she can play two tournaments in a week, she will do this.”

O snap, Lena.

The Golden Goddess wasn’t satisfied with the sarcastic mockery of Jankovic. She then decided to also show off her superior intellect. In the Hero video, “Players Favorite Books”, this becomes quite obvious. The question: “What’s your favourite book?”. Severine Bremond’s answer was Stephanie Meyer‘s Twilight. Lena’s reply was Tolstoi and Dostoievski books. Oh, Lena, stop it! Now we can tell you’re doing on purpose.

And Nadia‘s favourite books are War and Peace and Gone With The Wind. She must have a huge attention spam. I can hardly get through the Gone With The Wind movie in one sit — and it’s one of my favourite movies!

*To da left, to da left.

P.S.  Once again I apologize for not posting but I was a) sick and b) busy watching the FINA World Championships in Rome.

July 31, 2009 at 5:30 pm 9 comments

Spider woman, spider woman… does whatever a spider can

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Cue to No Doubt’s Spiderwebs.

And, since I don’t know if you guys follow tween gossip but, Camilla Belle (aka everyone’s favourite Tennis WAG) and her beard beau broke up. We asked Sharapova to comment on that and this is what she had to say:

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Yeah, ok, Masha.

July 28, 2009 at 1:28 am 1 comment

Random stuff — as usual

First, I apologize for not posting much these days (and I don’t even have a decent excuse), so, here, have some puppy with tennis ball to make it all better:

Adorable, right? Ok. Now that you’re back to liking me, I bring you THE NEWS (aka stuff that I care about):

Yeah. I think that’s it.

July 24, 2009 at 7:42 pm 2 comments

The good, the bad and the ugly

E.g. of a good campaign: Looking For A Hero?

The WTA’s campaign gets a little off-track with their recent interviews, loses its focus, even. But no one can deny it’s entertaining. They do what should have been done a while ago — they get personal with the tour. Even if the campaign’s goal seems to be mystify the players and their ~*special powers*~, we’re equally interested in their “human” side. That’s what their two latest videos, Life Without Tennis and Players’ Most Extravagant Purchases, show.

The most interesting aspect of the video is that we find out that Aravane Rezaï would like to be either an actress or astrophysics (sic) if she wasn’t a tennis player. Astrophysics. Yes, astrophysics. And Severine Bremond would like to be a singer. Only we don’t hear her sing. Coolies.

Now, this, this is my favourite one:

What have all the players bought? Cars. Fast, expensive, convertible cars. I’m amused by the players describing their cars’ technical details and such while the interviewer just goes “Fast?”. Yes, fast, dude. I would probably make a question as dumb as that one like “So, it drives, eh?”. The only girl that actually bought something, you know, girly was Vika. Hermès bag that she’s been wanting for three years. I think this means she’d been wanting a Hermès bag for three years, not that she bought a bag from seasons ago. Just thought I’d clarify that. And of course, as usual, Stosur and Stubbs provide hilarious moments.

And example of bad, very very bad campaign, you ask? L.A. Women’s Tennis ChampionshipsSave The Grunt. I even feel secondhand embarrassment.

July 21, 2009 at 10:17 pm 6 comments

Two gays make a straight

I’m pretty sure there will never be a sports fandom as entertaining as tennis. Football is a close second, with the boys constantly getting arrested and with all the famous WAGs like the fabulous Cheryl Cole and the skinny bitch Victoria Beckham. But tennis? On tennis we have the boys dating the lesbian icons and that’s enough to have me lol-ing for all eternity. It all started with Haas dating Sara Foster — and me going “TOMMY IS DATING AMY! FROM D.E.B.S.! AMY!! OH LOLOLOL”. After that, we had Feli awkwardly posing with model-turned-actress Laura Sánchez.

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Sánchez, when not posing with hot tennis players, plays a cop that likes to make out with redheaded girls in v. appropriate places such as labs and parking lots in the Spanish TV show Los Hombres de Paco.

Now, to leave me amused FOR-EVER, Carlos Moya is dating Carolina Cerezuela.

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Okay, so, technically he’s been dating her for a while but I hadn’t recognized her. When I saw Carlos at the Madrid Open with her, my thoughts were “Why is his hair like that? I don’t like it. What a manwhore he is, cheated on Flavia. Who’s that girl though? I’ve seen her somewhere” and such. I wasn’t really focused on finding out who his girlfriend was. So when my friend pointed out on her twitter that Carlos was dating an actress from Hospital Central, everything clicked. And by clicked, I mean I reacted like “OMG IT’S VERO, CARLOS IS DATING VERO. VERO OMG. GAY VERO FROM HOSPITAL CENTRAL! VERO!”*

So, anyway, given that most people here are familiar with Carlos Moya, I’ll post this video of his girlfriend so you can all find it amusing he’s dating VERO FROM HOSPITAL CENTRAL (capslock needed):

Tennis, you guys, I love it. Even when there’s not a single tournament I care about going on.

BONUS: I feel like this picspam at iheartrafa of Rafa Nadal clinging boys is very appropriated for this post.

*and I don’t even watch Hospital Cental. Or any Spanish shows — I should mention that. But still, lol.

July 20, 2009 at 10:07 pm 1 comment

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